New Candy Store Blog

So apparently in my day-to-day life at the candy store, people feel the need to piss me off further and further. A heads up to all of you shoppers out there, DO NOT TALK TO THE EMPLOYEES UNLESS YOU HAVE A REAL QUESTION. In my candy store we sell a large Jawbreaker. I mean very, very large. It's the size of a softball. Everyday I work, no exaggeration, every single day I work there are always 3 or more people who will always pick it up, come to me, and ask "How do you fit this in your mouth?" or "How do you eat this?" Well, obviously it doesn't fit in your mouth, so stop asking me that. Seriously. The way you "eat" it is easy. You either lick it, or break it with a hammer. That's it. It's seriously that easy, so don't ask me anymore. Also, if I hear one more hot topic regular tell me that they ate one in a day and half, I swear to god I'll slap their pale right off of them.

To all of the customers who would like our gummy candy, keep this in mind. I don't have a problem getting it out of the jars for you, but it is GUMMY candy, GUM-ME. NOT GOOMY! I hate it more than anything when people ask me for half a pound of goomy bears. You sound like an idiot. I want to meet the guy who started calling them goomy. I want to kill that guy. Maybe it's because there's a company that specializes in gummy candy, called "Gummi", but wouldn't you still assume it's called gummy?

Stop walking up to me and asking if there are bags for the candy. There are baskets literally right next to the store's doors. If you don't see them when you walk in, I'm sorry. However, when you see other people walking around the store with a basket and you still ask me, I've just decided I hate you.

To all of my customers who ask me for something and I politely say (as I always do) "I'm sorry, we're all out of it" DO NOT respond with "Why?". You understand that we're because other people got there first right? You also understand that it's not funny to blame me for the item being out. If we had it in the back, I would have put it out when it started to get low on the shelves. Don't demand that I get it in as soon as possible. I don't make the stuff. I order it. When you order large quantities of an item, from an out of state distributor, it's going to take awhile to get there. Just because you asked for it doesn't mean I'm getting it in just for you the next day. If you want it sooner than 2-3 weeks (depending on our carriers) then order it on-line yourself. It's not hard.

If you ask me for an old ass candybar or hard candy from 1965, there's an 8/10 shot that it isn't made anymore. Mars Bars, Marathon Bars, Milkshake Bars, and 7up Bars are just a few of those on a huge list of "extinct" candy. Again, if you ask me for one of many extinct candies many things happen. See below for true happenings.

"Do you have any *insert extinct candy*?". "I'm sorry, they're out of production"

"Why?". "Because they don't make them anymore"

"Do you have any in the back?". "No, because they don't make them"

"I thought for sure you'd have them". "If it was still being made, we would"

"Well I know that". "Then why did you ask me?"



For those teenagers who come in and continuously ask me for "Pretzel Chewy Gooey's", stay the fuck out of my store. I know they aren't real and you come in once a month (all 15 of you) in 15 minute intervals. I'm honestly ready to stab you. Give it up. You aren't funny, and you'll never kiss a girl.



Epic weekend beer bong for your enjoyment